I learned a lot from this board. So now I recently opened my door for relationship. I used to shut the door for it bec I'm highly independent and enjoy being free and single. But this week I'm "responding" to admirers. One step at a time.
I have fully realized that in the past I used to be a seductive withholder w/ men bec aside from having been surrounded by "bad examples" of them, WE DID NOT SHARE THE SAME CORE VALUES (w/c in my case is my faith in JESUS and the WORD of GOD in the bible). But when I recently known a man who has the SAME CORE VALUES I relate w/ him HEALTHILY! Thank GOD for HIS healing! This board helps me too! TY!
Good on you Overcomer Letgo, same core values is definitely a green flag!
I think i used to be a seductive withholder too, due to my switch hitter tendencies, and being so scared/ wanting love so much. In that every time, I would get close to man, and we would start to become intimate, I would give the green light, get all teasy and then freeze into frigidity?? what's with that?? I used to think it was because I had been mistreated and abused inappropriately, but maybe it has something to do with LA and seductive withholding?? Like seducing them and then withholding the sex part! Anyway if anyone has any thoughts about this I would be thankful. Blessings.
I think I might be a seductive withholder sometimes too. I mean I feel like I really want someone in my life and to commit to someone, as well as want the physical aspect of relationships too, but I find when it feels like I do get serious with someone, I start getting scared of what it might lead to, and I start withdrawing intimacy particularly from whoever I'm with when I'm feeling that way, but I also start to get kinda scared if it feels like I'm losing that person and start getting closer again, it's like a neverending cycle.. I've been trying to work on getting over my fear of intimacy, but I'm thinking I might need some advice on how I can go about doing so. Part of the reason is because I've been hurt a number of times by guys who I'd open my heart up too and I'm sick of getting my heart broken and being mistreated and screwed over by men