In LAA, recovery is a state in which you are able to love yourself as much as you love others. You are guided by a power greater than yourself who knows what is best for you. You are growing and changing. Love is a want not a need. Romantic love enhances your life but does not determine your self-worth. Most of the time you are serene and think clearly when it comes to relationships. Your behavior is sane and marked by emotional sobriety. You do not "love" too much. You do not "do" too much for others. You do not chase after unavailable people. You do not put up with ambivalent people like narcissists or seductive withholders. You have researched healthy relationships so you know what your goals are. You stay close to people who are also in recovery in order to avoid relapse. You never take recovery for granted or become complacent. Love addiction is "cunning, baffling, and powerful." It lies in wait for us when we let our guard down. Above all else, you put your well being ahead of your romantic attachments. You understand that romantic love is not enough to sustain you. It is like a flower without roots. You need love and compatibility with someone who can reciprocate. Finally, you put an end to all triangles. Monogamy and recovery are synonymous.
A newcomer to LAA recently sent us the following question: “Alcoholics don’t drink. OA's have a food plan. DA's have a financial plan. What about LAA's? Are we just on our own to figure out what recovery means to us?
No! LAA may be a new fellowship, but we are not alone. We are going to figure out as a group what recovery is for us. In the meantime, here are some basic guidelines for newcomers.
To recover, love addicts must change how they think and behave. Consider the following advice.
1. Honestly admit that you are a love addict.
2. Reach out for help whether it a meeting or the message board.
3. Get a sponsor or pair up with another recovering love addict (same gender as you).
4. Start working the steps. LAA has a Step Guide.
5. Stay optimistic.
6. Educate yourself about love addiction so you know exactly what has to be changed.
7. Stay connected even you are feeling others. This will avoid relapse.
8. Begin to "trudge road of happy destiny." (From the book of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 164)
Your happy destiny is not a place in the future. You are on it now with your fellow love addicts.