(I started this post on the thread about breakup anniversaries, but decided it was going off that topic and needed its own thread.)
September isn’t really any anniversary for me that I can recall, and generally I like it. But for several years in a row, Labor Day weekend was miserable. I have no idea why. Then last year, Labor Day weekend was OK.
This year, nothing bad has happened. I don’t have any reason to feel bad. But for some reason, I’ve felt more needy and sad and anxious than usual. I had a little meltdown a few minutes ago.
I know that one problem I have is this: I’m in a long-term, live-in relationship. And it is hard for me to handle this well.
My anxious, addicted side is always afraid that once the early part of a relationship is done (the romance and the sexy stuff and the buzz) that the whole relationship might be over. The passionate part is over, so I’m afraid I will be abandoned. I guess in the past, I got involved with too many men who only wanted me for sex and romance. Whenever I’ve been with a man who seems to be in it for the long haul - I don’t know what to do.
I love my partner, L (even though we’re long past the early “buzz” part of the relationship), and I want to keep the relationship and do my part to help it to flourish. And I don’t know how to do this. I guess my friends who have been married for 25 or 30 years know how to do it.
Once again, I feel like I’m defective and weird and bad at social stuff.