“For women like myself who were beset by relational trauma and skin hunger, the relational pursuit took the form of an obsessive-compulsive fixation on sexual and romantic obsession. Desperate to assuage the terror catalyzed by the desolation of traumatic loneliness, I sought refuge in strangers, frantically collected friends, and engaged in a steady cycle of incessant activities. Periodically, drugs and alcohol peppered these pursuits.
“Although my longings for intimacy consumed me, there were no sustaining reflective relational mirrors that could anchor me in a secure sense of self. Hence, the ravages of relational trauma impeded my desire to actualize love. In an unconscious desire to create or mend the primary bond and manage feelings of annihilating loneliness, core relational betrayals were reenacted. Although my solitude was unbearable at times, in fact, it was traumatic, I felt shamed by my place in society. I believe I failed and that my sexuality was debased not just by my reckless impulses, but also by the customs and societal norms I failed to live up to.”