Why We Keep Obsessing Mar 15, 2018 15:01:19 GMT -8
Post by Susan P. on Mar 15, 2018 15:01:19 GMT -8
There are a lot reasons people hang on to their obsessions even in recovery. Take your pick. Some people are addicted to the drama. Others are addicted to the pain. They feel like a martyr. Or they have BPD and the pain makes them feel alive. See Gerald May's book, Addiction and Grace. Some people would rather be in love than be happy because in the beginning stages it feels so good and like other addicts they keep trying to recapture that initial bliss. Others want to avoid the pain of withdrawal. For me it was the chemistry of love. I was depressed and anxious and my addiction made me high. Check out this article from the internet.
"Attraction, [romantic] love and relationships are fueled by actual chemicals . . .
(The title is wrong. We don't get addicted to love per se. We get addicted to romantic love.
This explains why we get addicted in the first place, but why do we hang on when the bliss turns to anguish. At first we do not notice the pain. We have been in pain all our life and we are used to it. Then, when we can't ignore the pain we think that being with the person we are addicted to is the only way to relieve this pain. Once we think like this we are in real trouble. We are told no contact is the best solution, but we can't even imagine this. We also think romantic love is more important than other forms of love. We romanticize and idealize passion and think we can't give it up. It is worth dying for. We watch Romeo and Juliet and think they made the right decision in the end. If they could not be together like is not worth living.
Let me burst your bubble. Romantic love is both good and bad. Like nitroglycerin.. It can build a tunnel or it blow up in your face and kill you. In the hands of needy, depressed people it is addictive.
As I point out in my book Addiction to Love, some addicts die from their addiction. Others will only change when the pain is worse than the gratification. As long as they get some satisfaction from their fantasies or making contact they will go on and on even after they reach out for help.
I was like this. I tried to kill myself rather than give up my PoA. But I was blessed. God took pity on me and sent me a spiritual experience and the obsession was eventually lifted and I could see more clearly.