And Susan you are right too that we are looking for a partner similar to our first caregiver. My mother has narcissistic traits too. She always criticized me or put me down my whole life. I had to do what she wanted and I could not have a voice. Now we have a good relationship but the damage is done. I look for similar partners. This is not conscious. How do I break this cycle? Good question I know.
Max, can you explain what you mean by fantasy ideation a little more please? How I set up a vibration of desire?
Well yes, so you have an ideal mate. This is expressed as an Imago. Your Imago carries an aggregate of features based on nearly every romantic and possibly sexual experience. So we naturally construct, in our minds, an idealized mate.
When you see a potential mate, if you were like me, you might have had a "see my children in your eyes" moment. Sometimes this process of projecting your Imago onto people sets you up to be drawn to the potential of the relationship more than the actual reality of it.
So when I see my Imago projected onto people, I'm going to have the ga-ga moment where I skip a breath. Its even easier if the person looks or acts like a part of your Imago. Your Imago doesn't always have good traits either. It could be a shade of an emotionally unavailable first love... could be Dad. For me, my Imago has many features of my sister. She was in high school when I was coming of age and I derive a lot of my conception of feminine beauty from her.[/quote]
Last Edit: Nov 20, 2017 18:41:42 GMT -8 by Deleted
I want to point out that when your Imago rejects you it feels exactly like the people your Imago is based on have rejected you. When a child is rejected it feels just like abandonment. This is the biggest fear of love addicts. They see it everywhere. It haunts them day and night. If someone offers them constructive criticism they get defensive because deep down they feel rejected. While therapy can help, it is the love of our Higher Power that heals us one day at a time. I used to hope for a permanent cure but that has not been my experience.
Last Edit: Nov 20, 2017 19:48:40 GMT -8 by Susan P.