Post by moonlitvein on Feb 4, 2017 11:33:21 GMT -8
I wrote about my boundaries in my journal but then realized it's more appropriate to create my thread here. So I copied my post here.
In the light of the interactions that I've been having last year with men (mostly in the professional field) I have come to understand the importance of boundaries. It is not for nothing that we talk about setting healthy boundaries here. I've been able to keep to my boundaries thankfully in one yr of recovery (with some slips, yes)!
Since I'm more involved with men through my workplace I've been trying to think about boundaries in the professional space:
1) Try and avoid physically touching or going overboard with physical display of affection or warmth. A handshake or hug, pecks on the cheek (depending on the circumstance - for instance if it's an office party) are all good. But behaving like a child by sudden physical contacts like - pulling a male colleague's hair, pinching on the arm, pulling the sleeves of a shirt, sudden slapping or hitting on the arm or back, pulling or dragging by the arm is a big NO, especially if these are patterns (in my case they have been - I have learnt to stop them now.) I know I have done this in the past in order to get attention and giving in to my inner child. It is also an attempt to get affection from a man (a futile one, most of the time).
2) I won't indulge in personal discussions about boyfriends, husbands or talk about sex or marriage. It is all very flattering when a male colleague I am attracted to or the other way round wants to discuss the above in detail. But in most part wanting to analyse details about my personal life especially in an intellectual manner or trying to show off by discussing it in a mature manner or sending long mails (I have done that one too) is really that. It's an attempt to SHOW OFF OR IMPRESS OR BOTH!
3) I will not try and think of all men I meet or all men I find pleasant in the course of my interaction during work as a potential mate or eternal partners! I think this is self explanatory. I must say I have succeeded in many cases in the course of the last year. Generally my fantasy tends to go overboard and I think of all men as "affection givers" or sexual partners. Trying hard to bring the sexual fantasy under control. There are other aspects to interaction other than the attraction. Example - the partnership at work, the camaraderie, thousand things under the sun to discuss, the execution of work together, it can go on and on!
4) I will stop talking/discussing/showing off my age. I think this arises from some kind of superiority or inferiority complex whereby I try to prove how mature or grown up I am by mentioning my age a lot of times in the work circle. It's a recent development. Can't figure this one out. It could be that I look really young and men feel I am a "girl" or really a "child" but I would like to be viewed as a "woman". This could be arising from low self esteem too. It's a way of saying 'Don't make the mistake of thinking I don't know anything! I am old enough. I know!" Of course I am old enough and of course I am a beautiful attractive woman. I don't HAVE to prove a point with my age.
That's it for now. Will figure out further as things go on.