Post by dhafirah on Aug 14, 2014 7:08:57 GMT -8
Hi everyone. I went on vacation for over a month to visit my family. The trip was good. I needed to get away and clear my head after all that I went through last year. The thing I noticed was that sometimes I still felt depressed surrounded by family and support. I went armed with my notebook in case I wanted to write down my thoughts. I did so several times and it was helpful.
From that visit I realized that thoughts in your mind can encourage to believe that your life is not going right even when all the external proves that everything is okay. I was eager to come back home because I do not like to stay too long away. But I was nervous to come back home because it would be me and the kids again with no family. Long story short, I am putting things in order in my life by taking care of myself and yet I feel like I am in a funk. I come out of the funk through meditation, writing, reading, and listening to sound advice but then I go right back in it when a thought comes in my mind that is negative.
I understand how we are not our thoughts. However, sometimes I wish I could tell my mind to shut up because I know I am safe and doing better based on what is actually happening in my life. I think part of the problem is that I am not having a high (and nor do I want to have one from the wrong source). I am taking care of myself, my kids, taking care of my responsibilities but not overly excited about anything at the moment. I would not trade my current situation for the way I was in the past but I wish my mind and emotions would catch up with the progress. I am not going to harm myself and can reach out to my therapist and other support when necessary. I am thankful for that.
I will be glad when this phase passes because sometimes it makes me feel nauseous.
Anyone's input is greatly appreciated. Take care.