Post by Summer_Azure on Jul 18, 2013 7:29:23 GMT -8
I am a LA mother of a 7 years old son and a 3 years old daughter. I am on my first No Contact day and it's really hard for me to also have to face the fuss and the fights of my children. I know that they need my attention and I am trying to play with them, even thought it's not easy for me to relax. But I have no idea how much is enough. I have a lot of things to do (which I prefer): the household, the cooking, read, write, go to meetings, take a nap. I can't give them attention all day. I end up screaming at the to be quiet, but they won't listen to me. When they don't have friends to play with the can't stop screaming and crying and the only way to make them stop is let them watch TV or a DVD. Then I feel guilty. I feel that I am getting rid of them pushing them to an addiction. Do any of you have the same problem? Any ideas or advice will be helpful. Thank you!
I understand this feeling. My kids are a bit older than yours (they are preteens), but they are intense and one of them in particular can be needy as anything and I often am under stress...which for me really triggers the need to escape...and in unhealthy ways. I am trying to learn to de-stress in more positive ways than in my previous unhealthy ones. I think that it's ok for you to let them do a little bit of tv or a dvd frankly if you are feeling overwhelmed...I think you have to think of it maybe in terms of lesser toxics during times of extreme stress like when you first go through NC. Be gentle with yourself and make things as easy as possible. Are there other mums in your area with kids that you can piggyback with? Have them over for company? I used to do this when mine were younger...I could get in a bit of social time, and the kids would have each other to keep busy. It was good de-stressing for me and good for the kids too.
Please don't feel like you have to be the perfect mother- *especially* during this stage of your recovery. There is no such thing as 'perfect', only human
Post by Healing Ku'uipo on Aug 1, 2013 6:09:38 GMT -8
Hello Summer, My kids were always one of my biggest triggers into LA and wanting to be somewhere else. I found great recovery with my kids in setting boundaries. I went to a therapist and had to learn what to do, I did not have the skills from my parents... Take time for yourself to heal, this is an intense time.